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yesterday went to gym..everything was quite good until, went mr bear's home to eat our dinner. our dinner was kinda weird, a steam egg left with not even half of it, i think only two mouthful for both of us. thanks to his beloved brother. i never complain. i just said..ok nvm...then i remember the mom was frying a bowl of toufu before we headed to gym and back for dinner. now its like not even a shit left. then i wonder, why does the brother so selfish? seriously..if u said definately i hate the brother, u r wrong. if i hate him i wont even everytime say halo to AIR. i mean A-I-R. meaning i heard my own echo back. its younger brother, not elder brother, if you said some elder people they want respect. maybe they cant hear. or watever reason that was. i never even bother if he even reply. i just say ''HALO'' to myself. forgive him for being rude. if u saying, if u love someone u have to love the family. o i did..but see wat i get? shit. lastime he came and pick us up, the princess and prince was making noise. ok...nevermind. then onetime father's day the gf suddenly scooped me a PRAWN.i thought i saw wrongly man. HOW CAN A 'PRINCESS' scoop a slave - they think i am slave, they are upper class people. so there is story behind it, when the waiter served the dish, PRAWN must be her favorite dish, so without let the big man (father's day) have the dish 1st. *we thought elderly should take 1st for a respect, if i think his father like shit i wont even bother* we respect. then suddenly princess scooped her favorite dish...and few more..and more on the prince plate. then end up...she just 'awake' that the elderly havent scooped yet. so out of sudden she tried to scoop for everyone include ME. i thought i was transparent all these while. seriously. whenever i saw them, i said HALO. their eyes were never look at me. or even respond the word. maybe upperclass wannabes are like that.

ok fine, maybe i am too ridiculous. but imagine, u know someone is back for dinner later, will you left some dish? or u will finish ur favorite dish, and left the one u dont like to eat? there is seriously TWO reason for that A: they hate the guest so they want to finish the dish. B: Selfish,and the guy forgotten he have a brother coming for dinner, NO respect for brother too. ha-ha-ha. i am quite angry, just wondering, if you were me, or i invite u to my house for dinner. i saw ur dish, fried chicken, salad, fish, blablabla. end up when you went out to do some errand and back to eat, they left you a FISH. because the owner doesnt like to eat FISH. the rest the finish it. then you think the house owner a bit stingy? i thought upper class people shouldnt do that? anyway...so i just asked mr bear, and too straight forward i said to him 'UR BROTHER IS SO SELFISH' so he said alot of things and he said another statement 'IN THIS CASE NEXTIME U DONT COME MY HOUSE AND EAT'  ok...dont ever asked me. jus bcos he pampered his brother, he said this. *clap clap. wat a joke. i dont see in future, he will treat me like he treat his brother, maybe he will beat me up because of the upperclass brother. you wont know. the brother said he dont want to pay household bills because he have a CAR to pay and blablabla. mr bear dont even dare to said anything. i bet nextime if the brother asked me to be his maid, mr bear will said.. GO..JUST HELP HIM CLEAN THE HOUSE.. o man...so scary..if the brother treat me as a HUMAN. i will treat him even like king. i will polish his shoe. but he like this...tskk..tskk..

it's about a TRUST

 today dont know why, woke up half way from my sleep and now here i am. probably i am a person who needs to speak out rather than hide it inside. how u ever felt despair, when someone u trusted is actually not so realible? it's about a secret. for me, i find it important because its about another person. so when i said, dont tell anyone including ur family. the next thing i know, the secret have been broken before i knew it. i felt like laughing like a clown. seriously, is it hard to understand my english? I SAID DONT SAY IT EVEN ITS UR MOTHER! do i need to shout everytime i talk then people will realised im serious? i m tired. i felt sad because, simply about a trust. what a life. i regret it very much. do u think everytime, when i need to give a warn i should take a knife or shout it loud so u know im dead serious? why? people cant keep promise include ur life partner? how would i want to tell him any secret in future? last time, it was a job interview which i told him not to tell any colleague i went for interview. he swear he will never tell. after that my boss knew it, ask me to leave. but the question is, who tell the boss? he said o i tell the lady..blablabla but she say she wont tell anyone. i was so heartbroken. i felt like laughing to myself. if a secret can caused me all these. i rather kept my mouth shut. now this is another time. tell me how to trust? i m like a puppet. dont u think so?

things really changed, even words that people said. they changed. and they said they never even mentioned it. someone please throw a bucket of ketchup on my head!!! it might help me. i no longer think im the luckiest girl anymore. no more~ i dont even want to tell my mom about this. if the whole thing can be rewind, i will...

if ...~

sinus surgery half price

let me ask you guys something, when you go for a surgery, what you expected? lets say you have both nostril block like as if you dont even have a nose but you must breathe using you mouth. finally when doctor gave you a chance for surgery...dont you feel like ''WOW..HEAVEN IS ON MY SIDE''!!!! I CAN BREATHE LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE! I DONT NEED TO OPEN MY MOUTH TO BREATHE AND ALWAYS HAVE NOSE BLOCK!! wohooo...yes...i mean at least that is what you tot of, but then again what if i tell you end of the day, you surgery is done...you feel like heaven, but harlo...that is temporary..for maybe lets say a month. then one of your nostril is BLOCK AGAIN!!!how you felt? tell me truthfully. will you tell me, o well whats the big deal at least another one can breathe. no big deal. yes or maybe. but let me ask you, even you go to repair you car, one of the spoilt after 1 month, dont you think there is a ''not fair'' kind of feeling? i mean i paid for these kind of amount, only one is fixed. then now what?

well...now let me tell you now what. simple to say i called back to changi hospital (ent) department, and schedule and appoinment for me. so guess what. 1st time went down, the doctor told me, if its not life threathening then no point go for another surgery. cos surgery is no fun---im glad he told me this. cos the pain is from my body not his, and now nose blocked again. well, so whats the conclusion - arrange another appoinment and inform him my decision. ok. i mean of course I WANT TO BREATHE AGAIN, else whats the point of going for surgery in the 1st place? well...i checked the price with the nurse since the doctor was on the line, the nurse told me, the fee is the same as the 1st time. my heart dropped on the floor at that moment. ok i told myself to stay calm and go home think about it. well, of course went home, i asked around. the feedback is the SAME!! ask the doctor to responsible. dont you think abit stupid. you paid for surgery for both nose, and one nose is not fix, they tell you if you want no problem, shedule another appoinment, and pay for the same amount. but you ask WHY? then they tell you, oh...same cost. ok great but WHY FROM ME! is it my fault? that my nose cant breathe? doctor is to solve problems right not to create problems? then the doctor told me, anyway your condition is better that lastime right? you want to improve it again then have to schedule for another surgery. will it be quite rude if i tell the doctor, I SUPPOSED FIX MY TWO NOSTRIL BUT NOW ONE IS NOT FUNCTION, BUT I PAID FOR IT. THEN NOW I HAVE TO PAY FOR IT AGAIN? WHY

and so i tot the corporate office can help. but then corporate office said, ''doctor have recommended the nose spray but you dont want rite? then i told her, in the 1st place i was using nose spray but it doesnt help me at all. now use back nose spray again, so whats the point of having a surgery? then she said'ya-ya'' then i wanted to shout at her, but the bear always tell me to control my temper, till now, i abit retarded. so i put it in a nicer way, do you have any DISCOUNT? since im not working, so now another surgery same amount...if after another surgery my nose is not fix they ask me  for another surgery...so do i look like i have a dad who looks like zillionaire? keep suck my $$$ ? ok...then the lady told me well she need to check, and if so they must check my account, and see whether am i financial stable or blablabla. and the lady told me, actually my sis can use her account to pay for me. what the fish. need to use all my sibling to pay or not? if i have 10 siblings and doctor didnt settle

Sorry for everything

I know I have disappointed my Dear. But I remember we once agreed 'to err is human'. I should have been more tolerant but it turns out i have not achieved that AGAIN. I know this has happened a few times already and it's up to you whether to forgive. I know that asking for something back once given is not good at all. But what's said has already been done.

If only I had the foresight to see this coming, I won't have said and done the things I did. But again, I m just human. True, I promised to change and not break your heart. AGAIN, I have failed to do that. I can only blame myself for being so soft.

Life is full of What ifs.                                                                                                                                       What if I hadn't uttered the words asking you to return the ring?   

What if I hadn't complained about being slow?                                                                                              

What if I had been more tolerant?                                                                                                                

What if you had been more tolerant?                                                                                                            

What if our families were not involved?

My mum told me to let both parties cool down and think. I hope and pray that would work. Christmas is the season for loving, forgiving and giving. I hope to love, forgive and give. I hope to be loved, forgiven and receive. Will that come true? Is this a test of our true love? I dunno. But anyway, whatever the outcome is, hopefully we can accept it and move on be it a good or bad outcome.

Finally, in spite of all these, here's wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!